Dreaming of the future with the past
I had this dream during an afternoon nap. The night before I’d had a lot of strange dreams, including one in which I was Homer Wells from The Cider House Rules. My dream this afternoon saw me back in school. I was at “university”, but the university was actually a school. It was the John of Gaunt School in the south of England, which is the secondary school that I was supposed to go to. The John of Gaunt School is a state school, but I ended up going to a private school about ten miles away. With hindsight, this was a move that I benefited from greatly (thanks, Mum) but at the time I was dead set on going to the same place all my friends were going to. When you’re eleven-years-old you don’t have much vision.
Back to the dream, and I walked into my first class to be greeted by a room completely full of students. I think everyone was around my age, but the only seat was one that faced in the opposite direction to the way the others were facing. I sat down and found myself at the same desk as David Blake, whom I went to primary school with. He was a good friend of mine when I was younger, although I haven’t seen him for a very long time.
As it transpired, David was my partner for our first project. We were filling out a form, and on that form you could write down if you would rather have a different partner. I’d left that part of my form blank, but David had written down three or four names of people he wanted to work with instead of me; I was both surprised and offended at this. I started to think of names I could write down. I looked around the classroom and thought there were far too many people there and that I was somehow better than this university. I didn’t think I’d be able to learn much so I stood up and walked over to the lecturer. I handed him my paper and said something like: “I’m walking out of your class because I’m better than this.”
I was then in the hallway and I was free. Yet another dream about school. The John of Gaunt School is a place I associate with low academic standards. As arrogant as it sounds, I think of failure when I think of that school, because if I’d gone there I think maybe my life would have turned out rather differently. That’s just my opinion. I was sitting the wrong way, so I assume that I didn’t belong there. Walking out of the class was a bold move. When I think of David Blake I’m reminded of playing football and not much else. David was a very selfish player, and he rarely passed the ball, although he was much better than almost everyone.
Putting this dream in the context of my life, at the moment I feel like I need to be somewhere I can learn more. I need to make a bold move to go somewhere new and start a new job, which I am in the process of doing. I don’t want to end up a failure and not achieve everything I can. I’ve recently quit my job and may be leaving Bangkok in the near future.
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